Welcome to the World of Tomorrow! Xander's Film Registry, Part VI

*The 2000s*- Okay, so we haven't sent a manned mission to Jupiter yet. The Cold War is long over. And if I'm not very much mistaken, we don't all live in flying saucers and transport by teleportation. But it's still the 21st Century, baby! And the dawn decade has given us many wonderful, and not-so-wonderful, things. Since 2000, we have seen the cancellations-- and resurrections-- of Futurama, Family Guy, and Firefly/Serenity. Boy bands have died out (can I get a hallelujah?!) Not to mention America's first black President. And Al Gore is so much more popular than when he had power. Sure, this decade doesn't have the same kind of spirit that past ones have had, but it is awfully cool knowing that we survived Y2K, 2008, and the two-headed beast from beyond known as McCain/Palin. Read on to see what movies I have selected as the must-watches of the decade. Keep in mind: I'm very doubtful that anything really great will happen for the rest of the year on the big screen. Just another identical Final Destination sequel (yawn).

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)- Okay, admit it. The Odyssey was the most boring thing you've ever been forced to read, with the possible exceptions of Romeo and Juliet and Lord of the Flies. That's precisely why O Brother is such a hilarious film! Starring George Clooney as a Depression-era prisoner trying to run back home to his wife after years on a chain gang-- also trying to survive the assaulting stupidity of his two fellow prisoners-- it does what you'd think should be absolutely impossible: finds color and humor in the most colorless, humorless, banal, vanilla "epic" ever written. There is a one-eyed Bible thumper (John Goodman in one of his best performances), zillions of double-crosses, a flour-peddling governor named Menelaus "Pappy" O'Daniel, and, most hilariously, the dimwitted Delmar (he thought you was a toad!) And, as the blind prophet on the railroad promises, many wonderful things. Like a cow on the roof of a cotton house. It will always be perfect!

Titan A.E. (2000)- Something to remember: when this movie came out, the most grown-up an animated movie could ever hope to be was Prince of Egypt. So Don Bluth (a former Disney animator of such classics as Robin Hood, and in the 80s and 90s director of travesties like FernGully and The Land Before Time) decided to make a witty, PG-rated (which used to be like R for cartoons), action-packed sci-fi spectacle without any flesh-and-blood on the screen. The story of downtrodden, nearly-extinct humans looking for a home "after Earth," Titan still looks incredible, sounds fantastic, and can always bring a few chuckles to the most stoic sci-fi fans. And the message is more important than ever: at the rate we're going, we won't need an evil alien race to blow the planet to smithereens. We're doing it ourselves.

Wonder Boys (2000)- In how many movies has Michael Douglas played a hardened artistic mentor? A Chorus Line, Wonder Boys.... there are tons more, but I kinda got distracted. Wonder Boys is, as I promised, something everybody should see, and for very good reasons. It shows us how authors deal with crises, and the answer is pretty humorous. there are great performances from Tobey Maguire and Robert Downey Jr. The only bad performance is by Katie Holmes, but, surprisingly, she's got no natural talent anyway. Luckily, it doesn't stand in the way of these hilarious situations or any of the great impact of the way they're staged.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)- Hedwig, a German rock starlet who had to give up a certain part of himself to leave Communist East Berlin, is a survivor. I know you can probably find quite a few things wrong with that sentence, but don't bother. It's a classic movie, a hilarious comedy, a powerful thinker, and an intelligent pseudo-musical (I don't think it's really a musical-- only the title band does the singing). Covering every subject from child abuse to freedom to acceptance to artistic betrayal, it is by far one of the five best movies of the last ten years. Great pacing, editing, staging, cinematography, and even set/costume design. And the best part is the punk anthem/ballad "Wig in a Box." And by the way, if there were any justice in the universe, those foam Hedwig hairpieces would be a fricking collector's item by now.

Spider-Man (2002)- Truthfully, X-Men (2000) was a little better, but if it weren't for Spider-Man, the Marvel Movie Boom probably wouldn't have lasted this long, and this is still a great movie anyway. Ignoring the fact that Kirsten Dunst is nearly as annoying as Godfather III's Sofia Coppola, the Sam Raimi-helmed adaptation of one of the most recognizable Marvel characters' exploits is a great example of what a comic-book movie should be: nicely balanced between pure showy camp and serious, believable human drama. And as the sinister Green Goblin, Willem Dafoe is clearly having the time of his life. It's always so good to watch actors enjoying themselves while playing villains-- Ernst Blofeld, Dr. Evil, and now the Green Goblin. Attach at least the first sequel to this one and you have the pop entertainment event of the decade-- possibly the century.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)- If Ben-Hur's record of 11 little gold guys had to be broken (after it was humiliatingly matched by Titanic), I'm glad it was matched by the conclusion to the definitive fantasy saga of all time. Sure, people joke about the movie being boring, overly long, and emotionally overwraught... but what did you expect? The non-extended version runs 200 minutes, and for all the cheese and gush, it's worth every single one (even though there's probably, like, twenty minutes of credits). Basically, every generation has a film that defines it. But unlike Star Wars, LotR is a 110-percent satisfying one from a 100-percent excellent complete franchise.

X2 (2003)- The original X-Men introduced us to the comic book movie as we know it today. Then, Spider-Man pushed that envelope while still giving great homages to the way the genre used to be. In 2003, the first sequel to X-Men proved that movies evolve even faster than mutants. Never before had such fantastic performances been utilized for a movie of this kind, not to mention the incredible special effects and action that will cause your jaw to knock a hole in the floor. A word to the wise, about that: sit with your head forward, out over your lap. Ya know, to avoid the crushing pain.

Batman Begins (2005)- Okay, I get it, enough with the superheroes. But everything said for X2 and Spider-Man holds true for this incredible, dark action-adventure as well. Also, the thing I said about Katie Holmes in the Wonder Boys blurb. And even though The Dark Knight is considered a superior movie, it's too depressing and drags a little on. Begins will depress you a little, but even at 140 minutes it never once feels too long. And Christian Bale is a superhero worthy of Christopher Reeve. Too bad Superman Returns was nowhere near this good.

Charlie Bartlett (2007)- In 1973, a doctor prescribed Ritalin towards the beginning of The Exorcist, hoping it would help the possessed girl with what he thought was a nervous disorder. 34 years later, we knew it was doing more harm than good (and not just when you've got an ancient evil demon up in your grill), and children were still taking it-- even to this day! Charlie Bartlett, therefore, is a hilarious but often disturbing cautionary tale about the punch prescriptions pack. It also teaches us that adults aren't always right, kids aren't always behaviorally challenged morons, and there's more to every story than you could ever imagine.

Wall-E (2008)- Except for the fact that the title robot displays clips from Hello Dolly (which still makes me shudder to think of), Wall-E is the best thing to come out of the animation genre since... well, quite frankly, since Fantasia. Another thought-provoker, it works as entertainment for kids that adults can get just as much-- probably even more-- out of watching. And it is kind of cerebral, but so is the best sci-fi movie of all time (2001, of course). So really, no complaints. If only people could see it as more than a cartoon, but for what it is: a great message that, for the umpteenth time, needs to be heeded. I mean, come on. An Inconvenient Truth is more effective a sleeping pill than The Odyssey. Who'd listen to that? But Wall-E, on the other hand....

And that's it! Sixty movies, six posts, at least four movies with Charlton Heston, probably a zillion with Jerry Goldsmith music, and, unfortunately, no talking ducks from outer space or 3000-year-old mummies.

Next time, we return to serious matters.

Ya know, for at least one post.